14 weeks postpartum
Last week I decided that my screen time hygiene was getting a little neglected.
When my mental health suffers, my screen time goes up.
Mindless scrolling replaces meaningful interactions and completing small tasks at home.
I literally run away from everything, all the while feeling more and more unfulfilled because Instagram sucks my time and the guilt sets in.
This week I started with the intention of having a little more self control when it comes to screen time.
I actually love Instagram. The connections I’ve made and the conversations I have with my brilliant audience makes being on there so worth while. I also love making content - even though at the moment, the algorithm seems intent on showing that content to no one - but that’s a moan for another time.
Now, I don’t believe that time spent on social media is completely interchangeable with more meaningful endeavours. That’s often the play off isn’t it? If I spent less time scrolling, I’d have more time to do x,y,z.
Truly, I don’t think it’s always this simple. Much of my scrolling is done at times when I can’t do anything else. Sitting on the toilet, stuck under a toddler or a baby watching the same film for 4000th time.
It’s just the overall effect it has on my mood for the day which then impacts my enthusiasm and motivation for other tasks. I think anyone who follows me knows that I have a passion to make my industry a better place.
I want more people to get active and not overthink it. At the moment, this involves using science and research to bring people the right information and to combat misinformation which ultimately misleads people.
Scrolling Instagram makes me feel so bitter at times. The amount of content which aims to catastrophise, fear monger and just generally claims to have ‘the right’ answer is at pandemic levels. Seeing this content get like after like with comments applauding the creator for their information makes me incredibly resentful.
And it’s like my already wobbly mental health can’t help but get sucked in by those feelings, wanting more and more rage. This has a knock on effect on everything I do.
I was pleased to get my screen time notification through today, letting me know that my screen time was down by 22%. I spent less time fretting over who was liking my posts and more time reading the research that will ultimately help more people. I spent more time on tasks in the house which would make me feel good, like cleaning the repeated pattern of sticky finger prints off the tv and patio doors.
This may not continue in a perfect pattern but I know it is something that I will have to keep actively choosing for my own sanity. The joys of trying to have an impact online, eh?
I noticed more recently that there had been a breast feeding awareness day or week. I suddenly saw lots of posts online about breastfeeding and how judgement about breastfeeding needs to end.
I agree. I also want to add some of my own thoughts and experience about feeding here for anyone else who is still deciding how to feed or is currently navigating a feeding journey.
Judgement exists no matter how you feed your baby.
I have been stared at, tutted at and had eyes rolled at me for bottle feeding in public. You always know the difference between the eyes upon you in admiration of your cute baby and the ones that are weighing heavy with discernment.
I recently saw a post on the emma’s diary instagram which platformed some people’s decisions not to breast feed in a blog. They received so much criticism that they had to edit their post to include a disclaimer that they weren’t encouraging formula feeding, just sharing opinions.
I think breastfeeding is wonderful but I have never wanted to do it and have felt the shame and judgement of that decision on every feeding journey I’ve had. This post sharing other people’s reasons for not breastfeeding felt incredibly validating.
Whatever you decide, make sure that decision is for you because someone will judge you either way.
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Last week saw the return of every parent’s nightmare - World Book Week. Of course I joke, World Book Week is a great opportunity to let kids have some different experiences at school and thrust reading for pleasure into the spotlight.
The parenting nightmare comes from the panic of forgetting the costumes and not having enough time to sort one.
We received a letter from Madison’s school before half term. Very organised of them. We repeatedly asked her if she wanted to dress up only to receive a firm no. The day before the dress up day eventually rolled around. I was just giving Olivia one of her afternoon feeds and in enters the 10 year old with her phone.
“I have decided what I want to dress up as for book da…”
I didn’t even let her finish her sentence.
We were lucky enough to get some bonus childcare at the weekend and managed to take Olivia out for some lunch. Olivia is often the child that is left until last, even though she’s the most helpless. Her chill and happy nature means she often placed in her moses basket or bouncer while I attend an unruly two year old or have to clean up a 10 year old mess.
I recently invested in a rockit, which is a rocket shaped device you attach to the frame of your pushchair. When turned on, it then vibrates the entire pushchair just enough to mimic the movement of pushing.
I was dubious at first but I had been running into a few issues at Freyja’s dance class where Olivia wasn’t asleep by the time we got there and would then fuss in her pushchair for the first half of the class. I then couldn’t give Freyja my full attention with the dance moves - very important of course, I want to wind that bobbin up with all the enthusiasm I would have on a night out.
We used the rockit whilst out on Saturday and I used it with great success at the dance class. In the pub, it wasn’t quite enough to rock her to sleep but was enough to keep her settled while we ate. At the dance class, the rockit did rock her to sleep.
They’re quite expensive, but I think for those who like to get out and about or have to wrangle other children with a baby, it’s worth it. There’s also some on vinted but I decided to get one new.
You can buy a rockit on amazon here: Rockit (ad affiliate link)
I’ve linked you to the battery operated version, It’s cheaper than the USB rechargeable one and I recently read some reviews where people claimed the newer version lost charge quickly and didn’t seem to have as much rocking capacity as the original version.
Talking of dinner, I asked Matt to take some pictures of me and Olivia. I feel like there’s hardly any, again, due to the two year old rage ball that takes up all of my time.
Anyway, once he sent them over I instantly recoiled.
Now, I’ve long left behind the days where my body size, shape or general dimensions both me in the slightest. I couldn’t care less about my body. I know that my body is incredibly privileged.
But my face on the other hand.
I am still not over the instant analysing of my skin, my hair line and my god damn teeth. Even with a fresher outlook on the importance of beauty, I still find myself looking at my teeth the most.
I grew up with straight teeth.
It was all I had. I spent over half my life with the most horrific acne on my face. Barely any photos of me exist as a teen. People say ‘normalise acne’ and I agree, it should be seen more everywhere, but that does not take away from the fact that acne hurts. It is sore and weepy. I was glad to be rid of mine, on my face at least. I still get it on other parts of my body quite chronically.
I was also incredibly hairy. Arms, eyebrows and upper lip. My hair was frizzy. My hairline ruined most hair styles.
Straight teeth was all I had. But over my 20s they were pushed together by wisdom teeth growing in SIDEWAYS. This was obviously painful, the ache was so dull and sharp all at once it would wake me in the night several times and of course, I eventually had them removed. The rest of my teeth never recovered.
I want to smile in a photo and have that smile reflect how happy I am in that moment. So here I am, sharing with you a photo that I hate and have not yet posted on social media.
I feel so stupid getting upset about teeth but it is a hang up that’s existed for a long time. I suppose I just want to let everyone know that you can read all the books, do all the work, believe wholeheartedly that what you look like is not the most important thing about you, understand your privilege AND STILL, dislike a photo of yourself.
That’s where I’m leaving you this week. I’d just like to say again thanks for everyone who reads, supports my content online and a special thank you to anyone who has taken the time to vote for me in the active pregnancy foundations awards.
If you haven’t and would like to, the link is here: vote for me.
Pre and post natal instructor of the year is the category you’re looking for.
Thank you, but of course, no worries if not!
What’s going on with you this week? Drop me a comment to let me know.